Friday, February 4, 2011

Things I Hate Thursday

I often partake in Things I Love Thursday, an exercise in gratitude popularised by Gala Darling. I know it’s bad to be negative and talk about hating things and blagaglablabalg, but I think there is something empowering in acknowledging and embracing your hatred for things that make you sandy. So, I give you: Things I Hate Thursday!
1. TV shows involving any semblance of either a makeover or of some sort challenge.
I honestly don’t know how many more variations there are of this same basic premise. Just when you think that show X proves that television networks have well and truly exhausted every avenue of reality TV, we see an advertisement for a new show: DOG GROOMING WARS! We’re pitting two of the top dog grooming salons in Boise against each other. Will Marty be able to tame this poodle’s fur? Or will Shoshana show him up with her little yappy-type dog? Cue intense music crescendoing to unbearable levels of suspense, flashing between shots of the clock showing their time slowly running out, to a dog groomer sweating profusely and furiously combing bored-looking dogs, to the groomer desperately trying to fix his clippers that have given up the ghost, to a dramatic closeup of a pug’s weird, squishy face. Good lord.

I honestly live in the least pedestrian-friendly city in the world. Here is a reenactment of my walk up to the grocery store this afternoon: Head out the door full of pig-headed optimism; start jogging. Have foot fall straight down into large snow drift in un-plowed apartment complex roads. Shake snow out of shoe; continue to jog. Slip on ice; bend knee backwards. Reach the end of the footpath as no more has been plowed; attempt to walk along snow drift. Give up and walk on the road; get overtaken by angry-looking motorists. Climb over, then careen down, 5 foot high snow mountain left in the middle of the path by plow. Sprint across main road the second I get a 40-foot clearance between cars. Forget to buy Laffy Taffy, despite that being the whole reason for going there in the first place.

3. Watching the derby widows devour Bloody Marys the whole bus ride to away bouts.
The wife and I were talking tonight about HOW FREAKING SAD it is to watch our partners party from the minute we get on the bus for away bouts. Our away bout bus rides are normally about 4 hours, where all the team and most of their boyfriends/husbands ride along. Knowing full well that we can’t drink until the bout is over, the guys each bring on a cooler full of booze and drink the whole way there, while we watch longingly and eat Walmart-brand trail mix and drink protein shakes.

4. Statistics and society, STAT 113.
Worst. Subject. Ever. It doesn’t help that the lecture is at least 400 years old. It doesn’t help one bit.

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