Promo video for the Lafayette Brawlin' Dolls

I'm quick off the mark for choosing my part in group projects - I do not want to be the sucker stuck writing the five-page supporting essay. Happily, I got to make the video to go along with the rest of our marketing project for LBD, and here is the result! The quality looks really shoddy on youtube; I don't know why but it makes me very sad.

Feelin' Knitty

I have been feeling knitty over the last couple of weeks. I think it's because I find the repetition and the act of physically making something soothing, when I'm constantly up researching and writing papers and reading exorbitant amounts of fiction for the literature classes I over-ambitiously chose three months ago. Or, maybe it's because it's cold as shit and I'm too poor to buy clothes. Either way, I'm really enjoying it. I just finished this divinely chunky scarf with a wooden button, a pattern by Jane Richmond, who I now officially have a craft crush on. 

I'm currently knitty a slouchy beanie; my first foray into circular needles thus far looking promising. I'll upload a photo and a link to the pattern once I'm done! I don't want to show you what I'm aiming for yet, because if and when my hat turns into a tangled clump of wool resembling a soggy pancake, I don't want people ridiculing me and making my immense shame any worse.

As I sat on the bus last week on my way to have coffee with my super cool new friends, knitting my scarf and listening to Pomplamoose covering Mrs Robinson, excited to see Jon and full of butterflies for that weekend's bout, I realised something important: my life is awesome. And, surprisingly, it wasn't the huge deal of living overseas that made me realise that - it was silly little things, like laughing and drinking coffee and fawning over my half-scarf. 

Speaking of being overjoyed, it's my birthday tomorrow - look at the present I got from the sweetest girl in the world. Literally, Steph is the sweetest girl in the world - and I can say that now, because I've been to the world. I'm going to take my new Diana camera to Chicago with and me and buy some 120 film so I can get some great photos of the WFTDA roller derby Championships, and of Jon, my friends and I buffooning around the city. 

Reasons I am an Idiot, #481

What I meant to say at the beginning of the whip/plow drill: 
"Do you want to whip first, or do you want to be whipped?"

What I actually said at the beginning of the whip/plow drill:
"Do you want to plow first, or do you want to be plowed?"

I'm extremely fortunate, in that my teammates don't seem to mind the fact that I am an imbecile. Or, perhaps they think that it's because I'm foreign, and I might be normal in my own country.

Either way, I think we can all agree that I should never operate heavy machinery, or give directions to anyone.

Reasons why September will be awesome

Summer in America was a strange time for me. It felt a lot like what I imagine living in a black hole would be like, with a touch of Groundhog Day thrown in for good measure. In my various eavesdroppings around the coffee shop in which I may as well live for the amount of time I spend here, I've heard people complaining about how fast the summer went. It had the complete opposite feeling for me - I had nothing to do all day for about three months except go to roller derby practice, clean the house, and muck around with my friends. I had a ridiculous sleeping pattern, normally sleeping from 2am until midday, then waking up feeling completely disoriented and...blank, somehow. It felt like I was living in a bizarre alternate universe, where school or employment didn't exist.

I find it really hard to be productive in any way, shape or form when I have no regular routine or daily schedule - and, as a result, I wrote a grand total of nothing for the whole summer. Inexplicably, now that I'm incredibly busy again, I'm feeling inspired to write again and have started writing three different pieces. I'm hoping I'll get them finished, edited and tidied up in the next couple of weeks, because I'm feeling incredibly guilty for ignoring my poor blog this whole time (does anybody else feel like an absolute wanker using the word 'blog'? I feel like a pretentious turd when I say it. I shall henceforth call this site my digital portfolio. No, wait, that's almost worse).

In any case, I thought I'd kick start the semester slash month of September with an exercise in gratitude! Think of me as a poor, white Oprah, passing on my favourite things to all and sundry. Without further ado, I present to you: Reasons why September will be Awesome.

***

The new season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I can't even explain to you all the ways in which I love this show. It's a pretty incredible story: a bunch of friends wanted to make a TV show, so they did. They filmed their pilot for less than $100, presented it to a bunch of networks, and one of them picked it up. The end. This tumblr is incredible, by the by. Here are some of my favourites from it:

***

Three day weekend in t minus two days!

***

Indy's Irish Festival in downtown Indianapolis. The manfriend and I have three day passes - I'm going to drink a ton of beer and pet a leprechaun. 

***

Easy A comes out. I'm all about Emma Stone, and by golly, if Easy A doesn't look freaking awesome. When I first happened upon this video, I watched it about forty times consecutively. 

***

One of my derby heroes, Suzy Hotrod of Gotham City 

A month of intensive derby conditioning. After a crazy couple of months for the Lafayette Brawlin' Dolls (three bouts in seven days! Two five-hour road trips to away bouts in as many weeks!) we finally have a month off. That in no way means we have a month off, however, as we're changing up practices, implementing new drills, and skating more than ever. I'm skating about four days a week now and kicking my ass at practice - I really want to work on my endurance, and getting my five lap time down to 45 seconds. 

***

It's no longer so warm I get heat stroke on a daily basis. Up until about two weeks ago, it was so hot here every day and night that there was little else I could do beside sit on the floor in my bedroom (because that's where my window-mounted fan points) and watch TV on my laptop while not moving. It was starting to get really old.

***

The leaves start to turn. This is officially my first Fall ever, what what! We went to the Fort Harrison State Park last week and walked through the foresty bit, where I got to step on many a crunchy leaf! I can't tell you how excited I am for the whole place to look like this:

***

Getting to spend a heap of time with this guy:

I know, right? Go me.


***

This so closely resembles my own life that it's not even funny. 
 

New 30 Rock! Oh, Liz Lemon, you've come back for me! 

***

Finding a ton of sweet new music to listen to:

I love this 80s-sounding version even more than the one I have. Swoon!

You, my dears, are welcome.

Lafayette Brawlin' Dolls vs. So Ill Roller Girls

As you can tell by this poster, the So Ill Roller Girls know some very talented people. We will be bouting the team from Marion, IL on July 17th, so if you're in the area you should mos def come along. With a name like "Smack to the Future"AND two games for the price of one, you know you're getting a sweet deal -  because when we hit 88mph, things are going to get heavy. Brown Paper Tickets has all the details, so do it up!

Roller derby facts and figures

It is a proven fact that the number of tights and socks a girl owns will exponentially increase the longer she plays roller derby. Tights are a roller girl's staple, as they serve not only to make her look exceptionally hot, but also to protect her precious thighs, lest she fall and incidentally remove all the skin from them; a tragedy known as 'rink rash'.

As you can see, ownership of any vaguely hookerish clothing is positively correlated with the length of time one has been on a roller derby team for. You will notice that booty short-ownership increases differently to that of tights and socks. As you can see around the three month mark, when the idea of so flagrantly displaying one's ass in public doesn't seem that strange anymore, the number starts to increase. It isn't until about the five month mark, however, when one has enough ass confidence to actually wear the aforementioned shorts in public, that we really start to see some growth.

Another phenomenon we often see in roller derby is the effect of the sport on players' legs, as seen in this graph:

Derby girls are generally renowned for their impressive badonkadonk (fan page for Estro Jen's ass, anyone?) and leg muscles, but the unfortunate truth is that any attractiveness gained along with said muscle tone is often nullified by the inordinate number of bruises that clad the legs of derby girls the world over. I personally often feel the need to assure passersby that I am not, in fact, a crack addict, or the subject of leg-related domestic violence - I simply take roller skate wheels to the shins at high speeds several times a week.

Finally, another interesting trend that I'm sure many roller girls have seen come to fruition:

For whatever reason, I have had more male friends than female friends for most of my life. I think I generally feel intimidated by most females, but surprisingly, the beautiful, strong, and fit women I have met through roller derby, who are all far more impressive skaters than I am, do the opposite of intimidate me. A roller derby team ain't no group of Sex and the City girlfriends, but legitimately rad females, with whom the friendships I have would not exist if it weren't for roller derby.

I did briefly entertain the idea of punching the numbers to compare alcohol consumption before I joined a derby team with the present day, but I think that's a door that best remains closed. 

Lafayette Brawlin' Dolls vs. Rollergirls of Southern Indiana

Starring the one and only Scarburst

It's the Brawlin' Dolls' third home bout of the season, and we're gunning for a good one. We stand at two losses and one win so far this season, a score we plan on settling on our home turf. 

Tickets are only $8, and, look, you're more or less guaranteed the best night ever. After the last bout, I was without my voice for over a week because I was cheering so ferociously the whole night. 

Brown Paper Tickets is your one stop Brawlin' Dolls ticket shop, and you can get all the details of the bout on the facebook event page. The last two bouts saw almost 1 000 people packed into the Brawl House, and we're expecting an even bigger crowd for the Devil Wears Derby. Speaking of the devil: 

The more Beck the betterer. 

Why some roller girls terrify me

After I told her I was always afraid of getting punched or stabbed playing one of our rival teams, one of LBD's star jammers Valentine Massacre confirmed my fears about how some of these totally renegade derby girls roll:

Lafayette Brawlin' Dolls vs. Circle City Socialites

Do you live in Indianapolis? Or within a 100 mile radius of it? Because, obviously, this is worth the drive. CCS beat LBD earlier this year, so on June 12th, we will be exacting our revenge. Summer of Shove is a twofer - for $10 you first get to see a bunch of dudes beating up on each other (having never watched male derby, this frightens me...we'll see how it goes) and at 7:30, LBD will take to the track to give CCS a good, ol' fashion ass-whooping. Here are some more details, or you can purchase tickets directly from here.

Meet Heartbreak Scorsese of the Lafayette Brawlin' Dolls

Welcome to the Brawl House

Name: Heartbreak Scorsese

Number: 18

Positions: Blocker and wannabe jammer 

Theme song: I guess technically it would be Heartbreak Scorsese by SnobScrilla. But screw technicalities, my theme song Feels Like Pain by the Grates!

Likes: Live music, good coffee, and watching Arrested Development again and again.

Dislikes: Unkempt eyebrows and Michael Moore 

Favorite music/movies/books: Have you got 10 000 years? Ok, I love: 

- Youth in Revolt (the book and the movie) and anything by David Sedaris.
- (500) Days of Summer and Stranger than Fiction are the greatest movies ever. Oh, and Harry Potter. And Iron Man! 

- I have a new favourite band every week…[yes, I said ‘favourite’…we Australians appreciate the letter U!]…Right now I basically listen to Spoon, Silverchair, the Kooks, and the Cure on a constant loop.

Bad habits: Ummm, I don’t know that I have any; I’m pretty awesome. I kid...probably hassling people about their shit grammar and spelling. I’m an English student; it’s in my nature!

Favorite quote: “But where did the lighter fluid come from?!” No, that’s probably a lie. I love “Be your own hero”.

Why do you play roller derby? Um, because it’s freaking awesome? I’ve always loved skating, and, maybe surprisingly for a sport where you’re constantly battering and bruising other girls, the sense of team spirit is really amazing.

What do you do when you’re not wearing skates? Well, playing the English student card again, I read a buttload. I also do lots of craft and draw and write. And I spend a lot of time in WalMart.

So, I'll keep you posted on any bouts or otherwise sweet happenings in the world of derby/The Brawlin' Dolls. Or, you can check out our website or our facebook. Or all of the above!